Friday, August 17, 2007 @6:50 PM
haha
somebody in the family needs guidance with anger management.
anw.
when everything about you is criticised, and when you're treated like a wall,
when they come back and all they want to do is to kill something. or each other.
at some point in time you have to understand, you're better off living on a different emotional world than with the people that cruelly decided to let you exist.
i'm haunted by premonitions that i'll screw up, that i wont find what i need in time, or that i've been working towards the wrong goals.
psychoanalyst mrs kyl said she sensed the shift of a paradigm in my mind.
a decisive force.
i thought, so what, what good is setting your mind on something if you dont know how to use it to redirect yourself to some other pursuit that is more worthwhile?
and how would you know if that pursuit is worthwhile if you wont take others' words for it?
who can you trust? whose rationale can you believe in;
what new hope will you choose to place your faith in, and how do you know your hopes wont just be crushed yet again, like it has so many times before?
wish i'd done so many things differently.
but of course what's the point in regretting now blabla
i should make the most of the situation i'm in now blabla.
blaaaa~
understanding has a way of biting back at you, confusing your own ideals and making you compromise your own principles.
and then i think, what's the point trying?
it's hard, and you rarely succeed.
amidst all this superficiality
i see no reason for my existence.
