; balance lost

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 @11:11 AM

yesterday night, i was so freaked out.
because weicheah went to knock on this wall in st pats that sean said was filled with dead bodies. and ralph talked about the red boy who sits in a corner crying.

and smart weicheah reminded me about all this just before i fell asleep. how kind of him.
so i tossed and turned and worried about the red boy breathing down my neck.. and i checked the window and checked the cupboards and under the bed...
and finally i got up and walked to my parent's room like a pathetic 3 yr old, to ask my mom if she would come sleep with me.
hahahaha. gosh. pam!! you're 17 for crying out loud.

so in the middle of the night, when the air was still and the whole house was silent..
i heard the main door creak open, very slowly. then suddenly this ghost started clanging the lock a lot of times before actually opening it.
at the back of my mind i was thinking "not bad this ghost. use key to come in."
then i panicked and tried to swallow back the thought cos you know, later the ghost angry then not funny anymore.

pam never dies without a fight, right? i decided not to hide in my bed and wait for it to come get me. so i bravely walked up to my room door and hid behind it like how those spies always hide behind the door before opening it and flashing their gun.
then i opened it just a creak..
AND OMG OMG BASKET! a stream of reddish light washed into my room. and i was standing there rooted to the spot, staring at my mom and trying to will her to wake up. but she just continued sleeping like nothing was happening. OMG! i tell you, at that moment i almost fainted and died.

then just as suddenly as it came on, the light went off and the front door slammed. help! it was coming for me now! with a hop skip and a jump i was back under the pillows and quilt with my eyes tightly closed, hoping and praying hard that the thing would just let me sleep in peace and not pieces.

so then after the longest time, i mustered up the courage to move a little and i tugged on my mom's sleeve.
me: did you hear the front door open?
mom: mhphmm.
me: mhphmm?? ehh. wake up!
mom: aiya ur brother went back to camp. didn't he say at dinner? k go sleep now.

@57#$Q3%@23#2&#$!!!!

vivid imagination ah someone. beige light can become red.
anyway..

happy birthday tammy ye!

i wish we were still celebrating your first, even though i cant really remember how fun it was. but it had to be damn fun cos you then u were still cute and shorter than me.

well the good thing that comes with you growing older is that now you talk much more, and i swear i simply adore the things you say cos it's rubbish.

just kidding la woman. haha.

enjoy your 16th, be good STUDY HARD!

loves. (:

Monday, May 21, 2007 @9:52 PM

sajc band
syf 2007

done.

@8:36 PM

red, black, yellow.

next to each other, they looked like the germany flag.

cool right. wanna bang car also must colour coordinate.

so bad. anyway that's not the point.

the point is that shortly after the cars collided, one woman opened the passenger door of the black car. and she came out and threw one blue plastic bag on the road.

and without second thought she crossed over to the road shoulder to make her phone calls.

siao or wad sia. she think highway like some zebra crossing or smth.

i was neutral to the whole thing, until my brother's comic disdain for her lack of civic-awareness translated to mine. haha.

sad case..

Saturday, May 19, 2007 @10:04 PM

it's a shame.
that people would rather chose a charismatic friend over someone quiet, though more loyal.
that some are so quick to shun mistakes, or anything out of the norm
that the worth of most youths in my school is often measured by the loudness of friends they have, rather than they type of friends they keep.

it's a shame that the quiet, loyal, hardworking few are rarely remembered
and because they feel unnoticed, their spirit doesn't stay as strong.

dorothy, you inspire me.
when we graduate, i'll remember you..
for how just a year after you picked up the alto, u played in syf on par and even better than most jc alto players.
for how i've never seen you give up hope despite the trecherous path that was once ahead of you.
for how you had so much more to handle than all of us, both academically and in band, yet you were the one who complained the least.
for how you've always been a figure of comfort, even though you didn't have many to turn to for ur own comfort.

you been a source of strength to so many, when you felt so tired inside.

the world is filled with too many airheaded girls
and too few dorothys.
lol.

p/s- no offense to anyone in particular, i've only insulted u if u choose to flame.

ANW. have a good last week of school (:
shiok man. 10 weeks down, 2 terms to go.

Thursday, May 17, 2007 @8:59 PM

the last lecture today was econs, 530-630, and i never felt more awake.
mr? was a lefthander and he kept blocking the projected notes as he wrote. and he was practically reading out the words as he wrote them and i lost his train of thought at some point and so i turned to pheara with my scrunched up gonna cry face that was so unbelievably hideous that she burst out laughing in the middle of lecture.

mr fong just finished the first chapter on quantum physics.
there was this portion of the topic, talking about how fired electrons showed interference when passed through a two slits, but with the simple act of observing the experiment, the electrons passed through like matter. two plain lines. because the wave function collapsed upon observance.
then we started talking about how an electron orbital in an atom wasn't really an orbital but rather a probability ring of where the actual electron could be found. so theoretically you study a cloud of electrons, but practically one whole ring is just a dot. and when all things are observed all a single instant, we finally see that everything around us is mostly space.

and the beauty in this is when such a practical concept is just as true in relationships.
we've gotten so used to banking our hopes on whole rings of possibilities, despite knowing that only one of all probable outcomes can really come true. we've gotten used to laying out all possible paths of life before deciding to embark on one, despite knowing that our true path of life was planned even before we were born, and no amount of excogitation can change anything.
not that we shouldn't think things through before acting, just that we shouldn't always worry so much.

and isn't it strange, that some people can feel so infallible and act so tough,
but all it takes is one person to try and understand a little of what the person is going through at some point.. for the former person to reveal exact positions of what's going wrong.
just like how the huge electron cloud was reduced to a single point charge.
it's so encouraging sometimes, that when a friend realises your problems, they also see a clearer picture of the possibilities you have to overcome them.
of course, there's the minus side to the collapse of this wave function, and that comes in the space discovered by the friend.
because space without friend.. is vulnerability.

if you didn't understand, you dont have to.
because i dont have time for vulnerability at this point.
haha.

AHHHHHHHHH.
someone tell me there's still 2 months of band to look forward to.
cos i dont want band to end just yet. studies are wonderful stimulation for eyebag growth.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007 @5:14 PM

a bit drama right some people.
The Dgbandswillbedefeated Website

ok lor..

we appreciate drama
Students of Dgbands

Sunday, May 13, 2007 @7:24 PM

there was this mom who always pushed her son to do his best. in his primary school days, she made him sit and study for hours on end, and made sure that he scored 100% for all tests.
when he was in p4, he scored 99% for maths after spending just 1 hour doing a 2 hour paper. she blasted him with all her fury and told him that if he spent the last hour checking his work, the 1 mark wouldn't have been lost.
PSLE results came out, and the mom's sister-in-law came and asked "da sao! my son got 270, i'm so proud. how did yours do?"
"err. 252 only."

the son went on to a prestigious secondary school, got his 9A1s and went on to a top junior college and did well there too. he got into university on scholarship, met a girl on campus, got married, and settled down with a high paying job.

one day, the mom was grieved to find that her son wanted to file for a divorce with his wife.
cos the wife wanted to start a family, and the son was adamant against having children.
because throughout his entire childhood, he never once felt the love of a parent. and because of that, he knew he couldn't find it in his heart to love a child properly. he feared that the child would only fear him, just as he feared his own mother. and now, he didn't even want to see his mother. because of what she taught him to be.

the mother told pastor. "if i could turn back the clock, i wouldn't have pushed him so hard. i'd do anything, if he would just call me 'ma' again."

-

i'd say that in the entire world, nobody loves us more than our mothers.
better perhaps, but not more.
i admire my mother a lot. she's the strongest, most loving, most understanding person i know.
and even though sometimes i lock my room door to get away from her, i still love her a lot.
and i hope to be someone like her when i grow up.
this mother's day wasn't the best of days for her. cos she missed her mom and my dad didn't permit her to go back in june. but there she still sits in the kitchen, with a peaceful look on her face, bent over some christian book, her reading glasses slipping down her nose.

my mom has beautiful eyes. it's light brown, with many dark brown spots. and the rim is green.
and it's weird how she got them cos my grandma's eyes are blue-grey. i wonder how my grandpa's eyes looked like. haha. maybe pink.

if the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam.
(:

Tuesday, May 01, 2007 @9:22 PM

"Science, far from destroying the beauty and romance of the world as seen by artists, musicians and writers, enhances it by revealing the underlying reasons and purposes" - McConnell

i beg to make a potential difference. (volt)

the days of diffusion:
i'm stupid, i study, knowledge diffuse readily into my head due to the concentration gradient, i'm smarter.
the extent of how much smarter i've become is determined by how stupid i once was, and how smart my notes are.
the end.

the days of post diffusion.
i'm stupid, i study. i'm still stupid. i study harder. and harder and harder.
and finally i set all my notes on fire and, clap my hands in retarded glee.
right.
then i pinch myself and wake up and realise that quite tragically, i wasn't stupid enough to do that.

you know what Electrochemistry, ever since i've met you, i've felt nothing but hurt and anguish.

i've tried to run away, but you still keep coming back to haunt me, tutorial after tutorial.

i didn't study all the way here just to get my brain broken.

hai.
i wish i never met you.
-drops notes on the floor.

LOL.
k la study la.

@6:37 PM

isn't it always the case,that when our goals draw near,

we feel increasingly restricted.

we find less time for anything else,
we find it more and more difficult to move forward?

and walking away from it all, is such a taboo..
yet tempting option.

such was my demise.

until i remembered
that so many count on me.
my existence.
my role.

and so i decided never to break the chain
of dependence,

cos i know this chain will continue to uplift other tired hearts.

and keep them going for the next 2 weeks.

thus, onward I strive.
and foward i look.

for the greater cause. (: