; balance lost

Sunday, January 21, 2007 @5:37 PM

Beds can now fly, and very soon pigs also will.

omg what? you gape disbelievingly at me.
pam you cock eye ah. or something.

no my friend, I kid you not.
i swear i see my own eye okay.

what the ajasdfjkld.....

What will they come up with next man.
Flying Pans?
haha. joke.

Anyways, school's been picking up. And cca sign up was. quite overwhelming.
I still remember day after cca day, first band practice for them.
I was so stunned by the whole multitude of them that turned up, looking from the section cupboard to their awaiting faces and knowing that no way was 7 loaves of bread going to feed the 4000 this time.
In the end, the merit j1 batch died by half. But the spirit of the survivors made pam happy.

What really made my week though was the newbies. Yesterday was their first practice. I was actually a bit afraid that they would be hard to teach, or show attitude cos taking up an instru at j1 is pretty difficult.
But watching them contradict all my initial perceptions of them, trying and trying again. Squeaking but trying again. Sitting in a corner and not wanting to give up.
I couldn't help but smile just watching them work so hard even on their own.
And.. I just wish that some of us were more like them.

Sometime during the week, I was sitting outside the band room with my Eb and Reaction Kinetics notes in front of me. Staring at the rain with the mouthpiece still in my mouth, kinda like a retard deep in thought.
Thinking of how Nicky said last year, that he really really wanted to accomplish as much as we could last year cos when school opened we'd always be coming up with excuses.
How true that was.
How sad though, that it wasn't a concern of the majority.
It wasn't. It still isn't.

For me, it isn't enough just doing my individuals everyday.
To them, it isn't enough that i call for sectionals so often.
For me, i still have to keep my spirit alive. keep my chin up, keep looking on the brighter side.
cos if i stop, i'm afraid nobody else will.
To them, i should be making them love coming down and playing together.
inspiring them to inspire others.
and if i couldn't do that. then there was no point having sectionals often.
Once a week.
Twice a week band prac.
i'm so sure we're gonna get damn good going at this flabbergasting rate.
the good getting better. the not so good not knowing how to be good.
i'm so sure.

And being so drained by all this.
When i'm at peace, i want to talk them.
Then something happens that gets me so heated up again.
And at the end i'm drained again.

So all i've resolved to do, is to sit and watch the rain. To sit and pray that someday, the only section i've had so much love for, will realise that we're all doing this for each other as friends.
and it just makes the people around them suffer if they dont do their part.
and the only reason they will ever get sian of seeing each other is if they dont love what they do.
for that, then there's no point in us playing together anymore.

My dad told me more about how he grew up today.
Why his side of the family was the way it was.
And how we turned out so different.
And I felt so grateful that You preserved my parents and my family so many times.

"If you do the right thing, God will take care of you. He'll send you friends and work through them to take care of you."

eh. i take care of so many. haha.
somebody take care of me leh. (:
bleh.

Thursday, January 11, 2007 @5:52 PM

in my heart, there's a place
where there's always hope
and always a way
to make it through the night.

I love the way tempodiminuetto makes our band sound.
like water. like waves lapping softly on the sand.
at sunset. in autumn. o.O
It turns us into such gentle people. Totally different from how we usually play.
What inspired this arrangement, with such intricate detail? Where within a mass of confusion, there's that breathtaking connection of minds.
And confusion refocuses into a clear picture.
Awesome.
ok.. maybe a wee bit too drama here.

Anyway, organic chemistry test was quite spastic.
It seemed one page long, seemed, until we had just 5 minutes left.
And I flipped the page. wah piang.
Unbelievable.

With much remorse, I have to say i've been very mean to one third roomie over the week.
I think I was so mean that she actually fell sick today.
LOL. yes i know, link hello?
but still, poor roomie.
gonna have to put on that apron again later, to atone for my sins.
(:

Nicky's gonna get mad at the two of us because of our new-found posture.
It's much much worse than the previous 'bell resting on the lap/chair and playing with one hand' thing.
The new and improved shocker comes complete with the while 'slouch really low in the chair with a damn sialan face, clarinet to one side of the body. and going "huh?" while the mouthpiece is still in the mouth'.
Otherwise known as The Weicheah Salute.

yesyes i know. sit properly and dont try to be funny.
of course we will. so fret not if you're fretting.

Rhapsody's going on air tomorrow. With Jungle Variations and arse.nal.
jungle variations.
a hymn for the monkeys.
first suite in Elephant and Coyote.
so many retarded possibilities..
but they could do no better than "Safari."
It's a cool piece la, nonetheless. (:

and in my soul, i believe
if i just have faith
then i will be free
i'll be alright

cos to everything else.
i'll just fit.

Saturday, January 06, 2007 @6:35 PM

Sometimes i might get abit asdfjklasdjfklfdsk after band.
because of how the boys like to mess up the section cupboard immediately after we arrange everything damn nicely.
and because of how they sometimes forget to be serious when they should be
and because they dont get some things done on time.
But
They're what i'd call the conspectus of cool-retarded.
The kind I can't help but not do without, no matter how many times I've walk out the band room with my hair and nerves all frazzled up.

Through the holidays almost all other sections had their dsa kids to ~~bully~~ take very good care of.
Today, finally, we also grew a few more lungs ((: Their names are Jasmine and Benny. First practice today. Really nice people, spastic too.
Gonna quickly form alliance with them before the merit j1s come in.
HAHHAHAH. stragedystragedy ok.

sajcband is gonna be bloody awesome.

nicholas dont let the fire die out. dont ever give up, just whack.
you're not alone. (:

I was on the way home with shioks yesterday, and as we were passing sas this sas kid attentioned and saluted me. "Bye ma'am!"
HAHAHA. apprarently we sat in the same (big) front row.
During band camp, when the boys saw us before flag raising each morning they'd smile. "Morning ma'am!". and we didn't even know half their names. It was so aww.
Made me super happy la. hahaha.

Dont know if any junior will search google for "what's an ashookamooka" and chance upon my blog but
if you're a junior
greet your seniors. (:
you'll be kinda adorable if you do. HAHHHAH.

have a good week.

Monday, January 01, 2007 @12:53 PM

Xinyi is ultimate rockness. For opening her house and her kitchen, for standing in the kitchen overlooking everything from top to finish, and for being the lovable Marder that she always is.
Thanks Xinnn (:

They had 20 potatoes to work with. 20, it was crazy.
I cant even finish two wedges. Haha.
Each crepe took about two tablespoons and there were two huge bowls of potato slice mix to fry.
Passed that on to shaula and clara, who passed it on to jamie who passed it to timothy who fried the crepes 3 cm thick to quickly use up the potato mix. Good job keep it up.
Then there was the whole lump of cheese. oh my marder, the cheese. in a wok on top of a flame that was either huge or dead. I was screaming while trying to fold all the mushrooms and garnish and breadcrumbs in. Hope friedemann's ear is okay.
Then there was the never ending order of chopped onions. And the never ending washing.

Wahh. It's the first time we actually cooked something together. we're always eating out, or eating the food our parents cooked, or eating the food catered in church.. and everything else lah but but BUT. on the last day of last year, 31st Dec! We, the youths of sbbc, pit our masakmasak and playdough skills together, and with one tiny kitchen and one petrified dining table (who was sadistically surrounded by so many mad kids brandishing knives and choppers and chopping away on it, laughing hysterically every, hmm, 30 seconds or so.)
we put together a DECENT MEAL. (:
very very decent. and very a lot also.

Hamburgers (Xinyi's damn nice patty recipe), Spaghetti, Some Salad Thing and Some Potatocrepe filled with mushroom and cheese Thing both headed by Friedemann, and Powder Orange Juice. Everybody had something to do at some point in time. It was just so heartwarming to find that all of us had this unspoken, spontaneous teamwork thing going. And dinner was prepared not just by a few of the older ones but by all.

Baked the largest amt of cookies I've ever made at a go, before christmas (57x7=399 :o)
Now i've chopped the most no. of onions in a day. before new year. My eyes are bionic eh cannot cry one. haha. Timmy was tearing even just washing dishes beside me. Softie that one.

We watched Madagascar first. Then Step Up. and I had to leave halfway, in the middle of movie in the middle of the morning at 2am. felt so ashfjsldlfkjalsdfkj :(
He's gone back on his promises so many times that I don't bother to speak up when I'm home anymore. Cold war, he calls it. To me, conversation is needless when listening's only happening on one end.

OTHERWISEE, New year was welcomed grandly. With the company of my wacky brothers and sisters. And with good food, movies and games, and people laughing hard every so often.
They're the people I look at and smile quietly to myself. And make a mental note to remember to thank God every night that he let me be a part of them.

Yesterday while I was using xinyi's laptop, Shaula came up beside me and said "i wanna useee." and I stared at her for a while and realised that I never had a little sister bug me to get off the comp before. I used to be the one at my bro's mercy. And now i look at Shaula and she's like.. aww. hahahahhahaa!! Obliged her immediately. Am i nice or what.
HAHA.

school's starting soon. :(
holiday homework refuses to die. :(:(
Pam's the dead one now.

lol.
Happy New Year! Pray this year will be more constructive than the last.
With more focus, more perseverance.
More thinking, more love. More God.
And different priorities.