Thursday, September 22, 2005 @8:52 PM
do i, for some morbid reason actually like to see my parents satisfied?
i don't know. i probably look harmless and innocent and lovable when i'm studying, or focusing on something so hard that i look like i'm gonna burst any moment. i wonder how i look as a bookie. it obviously looks easier on the eye than just me without any study material.
or maybe i just look good indoors. at home, to be precise
i don't even find pleasure in going out to get a life anymore.
i'd rather lie flat on my stomach on the cold hard floor of a room that doesn't stay quiet even when i'm studying. or study on the bed that my mom is snoring on.
looking through what i once saw as torture, but now seek comfort and pleasure in.
my glorious work.
my mother doesn't know how much she's putting me through all the things she unconsciously does. still, after all that, i can only say that no one could love me more.
better perhaps, but not more.
and my dad too. he tries so hard
but all they do is make me feel worse.
i feel like a horrible girl. and i look like one.
have i been putting myself off to work/love my friends? i'm not really sure
but i've never regretted not loving myself before.
although it's not the good morale of a Christian.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON.
so much for me.
lets talk about something else. and put an end to me.
doesn't that sound oohmpaloompa. yahh i'll go decapitate myself.
then i'll look so much more appealing.
SO MUCH FOR COMFORT. I'M GONNA GO STUDY NOW.
